Super Confessions

I was invited to three different Superbowl parties and one “hang out with a couple of friends” event. I was pleased to have been on that many guest lists, partly because I was able to use one event as a reason not to go to another, when in fact, I stayed at home.

My dad thinks I went out with my friend Mike. Mike thinks I was at the Kauffman party, the Kauffmans think I was with my dad.

It worked out well, because I had chores to catch up on, and my own new HDTV.

It also led to one of the great discoveries of our time.

Sick of waiting in lines at the supermarket? Do your shopping during the Superbowl!

During the middle of the second quarter I dashed off to the Super Fresh. I needed to do one of those semi-annual massive shopping trips, and I was willing to miss Prince. I figured, even if his breast popped out, I’d be able to see it on youtube.

Timing is everything, and I nailed it. My car has Sirius radio, so I listened to the game as I drove and got to the store just as halftime was beginning.

My first fear was that Super Fresh was closed.

No, it wasn’t, there just weren’t any customers, except for me.

Not one little old lady trying to reach soup from the top shelf, no one pretending to know whether a mellon was ripe, no clean-ups on aisle 5, no children crying because they couldn't have Cocoa Puffs.

I could leave my cart blocking the dairy section and feel no guilt, I could even throw long passes from the bread department into my cart, with more accuracy than Rex Grossman.

When I was finished gathering, my cart was overflowing.

So I did what everyone has always wanted to do with a full cart... I went through the express lane. It was likely the first time that register has had a $192.00 purchase.

All four of the store employees came to help. One ran my items over the scanner, one pushed them down the lane, two others bagged for me.

I was out just as Chicago kicked off to begin the second half.

It was just Super!