You Gotta Be Kidding (I am)

I had a couple of topics I wanted to touch on today, but then that great man Tim Hardaway opened his mouth.

As a fellow heterosexual, I will offer my opinions.

If you missed it, here’s some of what the former NBA player said on a Florida radio station.

“You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known. I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people… First of all, I wouldn't want him on my team. And second of all, if he was on my team, I would, you know, really distance myself from him because, uh, I don't think that is right. I don't think he should be in the locker room while we are in the locker room."

He added that he would try to have a gay player removed from the team.

Word!

I can’t tell you how many times I have been in a locker room when a gay man has lost control and grabbed my dick. All of us straight men are so good looking that we are always at risk of being jumped by gay guys.

Certainly, if I were in the shower, and one of “them” saw me naked, I’m sure I’d somehow end up in an all-man threesome.

And then there’s the risk of being hit-on by a gay man. That’s how you can catch gay, you know.

There is a gay couple in my building. Believe me, it’s just a matter of time before they kick in my door and do gay things to me. Forget keeping them out of the locker room. Let’s get them out of my building too.

Of course, I am surprised that there are any gay men in a professional locker room. Pro-sports are so manly I didn’t think a gay man could actually keep up with the real men. They throw like girls.

It’s probably a gay conspiracy, just so they can see and talk about how amazing the big muscular athletes look when they’re all sweaty after a big game.

Thanks Tim, thanks for giving me the courage to speak out as intelligently as you…

Asshole.